Ah, the holidays are coming to an end and a new year is approaching. The gifts have been given, the travels have been traveled, the weird distant cousins have all gone home, and now we can kick our feet back and start making miles long lists of all of the shit we want to change about ourselves. Sweet, sweet… relief?
I don’t know about you, but I always feel a metric ton of pressure around New Years’. Not only are we reflecting back on the year behind us, but we are also planning for the one ahead (even resolutions backed by science; no pressure, right? and this article is really interesting!).
While foresight and setting goals is a fabulous way to begin a new year, there might be a few things we want to keep in mind:
COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY
There is something really magical about the motivation we feel at the beginning of things. It can be relatively easy to decide we’re going to quadruple our gym efforts and nail it for a few weeks. The issue that many of us run into is that our goals and resolutions aren’t actually all that realistic. We start to lose steam when we don’t keep ourselves in mind while we’re excitedly setting those goals.
It’s a great goal to want to spend more time in the gym, but if you’re currently not spending any at all, it might be a bit overwhelming to start suddenly going every single day. You’re far more likely to burn out and stop going altogether. Set yourself up for success and keep your resolutions reachable!
YOU ARE PART OF THIS
Many of us are taught that once we’re in a relationship, that’s all we need to focus on. If we focus on building our relationships with other people, and leave out our relationship with ourselves, chances are we might find it more and more challenging to show up!
Make time for yourself. Prioritize your health and wellness. It is so much easier to walk into our relationships with others when we’re well taken care of. Start noticing what you need to thrive and allow yourself to have those things. We can only show up at 100% when we have 100% to give. If we’re constantly running on empty, our relationships are bound to be impacted.
Communication in relationships is of the utmost importance. Though we all tend to understand that on a cognitive level, it can be challenging to follow through.
Effectively communicating our needs to our partner(s) requires vulnerability both with ourselves and the other people involved. For more on this, you can read 10 Rules for Effective Communication here! Part of this, too, is learning how to fight effectively! More on that right here!
Think of who you were 10 years ago. Chances are, there are lots of things that are the same and lots of things that are very different. Life has a way of shifting our priorities and the parts of us that show up at any given time.
As we give ourselves the grace to grow and change, we might also practice that same grace for our partner(s). Make time to share and connect on a regular basis. Talk about the process of change in your lives, share the difficulties and successes, and encourage each other to explore! Our relationships can be the soft safety net we return to day after day. Allow space for that!
HAVE FUN WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP GOALS!
Adulthood can be a real pain sometimes. There are bills, responsibilities, and having to do all of the things while also juggling all of the other things. I don’t know about you, but I’m not exactly chomping at the bit to spend time with my partner going over our finances. Yes, that stuff is part of life.
And it’s not all that life is!
Make joy and fun a priority in your lives together. Leave room to breathe amongst all the responsibility! Let go, be silly, try new things together, bond over shared experiences that show you new sides of one another. Recreate your first date, go on a tried and true outing, or build a pillow fort in the middle of your living room just because you can. We might be grown-ups, but that doesn’t mean we always have to act like it.
RELATIONSHIP GOALS: THE TAKEAWAY
For a whole lot of us, deep and meaningful connections with other humans add to the overall wellness of our lives. When you have realistic relationship goals, you’re much more likely to find real ways to make that stuff happen.
Constantly searching for perfection and comparing our relationships to those of others, means that we often miss out on what’s right in front of us. You get to decide where your relationship bar is and working side by side to reach your relationship goals will make your relationship that much stronger.