Structured help for married (or unmarried) couples
ARE YOU ASKING, “SHOULD I STAY OR LEAVE MY MARRIAGE?”
If you’ve ever asked yourself, ‘Should I stay or leave my marriage?’—you’re definitely not alone. When your relationship feels uncertain, it’s easy to feel stuck, overwhelmed, and isolated. In moments like these, whether one of you is leaning out of your marriage or both of you are unsure, compassionate discernment counseling is designed to help you pause, reflect, and explore your next steps—without pressure or judgment.
No pressure. Schedule a free 15m video chat to see if this is the right fit for both of you.
There’s nothing more difficult in the world than another person.
— Dr. Stan Tatkin
Torn Between Staying or Leaving?
The question “should I stay or leave” may be one of the most natural parts of being in a relationship. Instead of feeling paralyzed, trapped, guilty, or even pulled in different directions, you can admit that you just don’t know and take practical steps to find help.
In these moments, discernment begins not with certainty, but with the courage to ask honest questions.
Despite all the pressure you may be feeling–you don’t have to figure it all out today. Just taking the next honest step gets you on the path to clarity.
Obscurity is dispelled by augmenting the light of discernment,
not by attacking the darkness.
— Socrates
WHAT IS DISCERNMENT COUNSELING?
Discernment Counseling was developed by Dr. Bill Doherty at the:
It is a short-term, structured process for couples who aren’t sure whether to stay together or separate. Rather than focusing on repair, it’s about gaining clarity and confidence in deciding whether to stay in, or leave, the marriage. Importantly. Each partner’s perspective is honored, even if one is leaning out and one is holding on. Through this lens, the process helps you slow down, speak honestly, and make a decision with greater awareness and care.
Not sure if discernment counseling is right for you? Let’s talk it through. Schedule a free 15m video chat.
COMPASSIONATE DISCERNMENT INCLUDES:
- Exploration of three paths: stay the same, move toward separation, or commit to couples therapy
- Clarity about your relationship’s future: understanding what’s possible and what’s not
- Confidence in your next step: making a decision with intention and emotional integrity
- Short term counseling sessions focused on decision-making, not problem-solving
- Space for each partner to reflect individually and together
- Support for both partners, even when their goals differ
- Honoring each person’s experience without pressure or blame
- Grace-filled exploration: slowing down to reflect rather than rushing to fix or separate
- Non-judgmental guidance: creating space for both partners to be heard and respected
- Respectful pacing: slowing down the process so neither partner feels rushed or cornered
- Emotional safety: supporting ambivalence, grief, confusion, and uncertainty with compassion
Be courageous and face this moment in time consciously and with all the discernment and clarity within your power.
— James O’Dea
THE STRUCTURED PROCESS WILL GIVE YOU
- A deeper understanding of each partner’s experience: exploring emotional truths, unmet needs, and relational dynamics
- Insight into what led to this crossroads: identifying patterns, turning points, and the deeper story behind the current tension
- Space to reflect individually: having time to explore your own needs, values, and readiness for change
- A framework for decision-making: using structured guidance to move from confusion to clarity
- Language for difficult conversations: learning how to express uncertainty, hurt, or hope without escalating conflict
- Tools for emotional regulation: practicing ways to stay grounded during tense or uncertain conversations
- Support for naming ambivalence: learning how to voice mixed feelings without shutting down or withdrawing
- Strategies for respectful listening: understanding how to hear your partner’s experience—even when it’s hard to accept
- Language for boundary-setting: expressing limits and needs without blame or defensiveness
Seeking Clarity Before Ending a Marriage?
Many couples come to discernment counseling after months—or years—of agonizing over the question, ‘Should I stay or leave my marriage?’ Before making a life-altering decision, it’s worth slowing down and tuning in. Discernment counseling helps you understand what’s really happening in your relationship—and whether change is even possible.
It’s not about fixing or ending the marriage on the spot—it’s about getting clarity. This process honors both partners’ experiences, even when those experiences feel hard to hold.
Reach out to see if it’s a good fit. Schedule a brief video consult and take the first step toward clarity.
GET TO THE HEART OF IT WITH TOOLS TO CHANGE
Take a look at our therapist bios for Kristi Granacher and Jen Rives.
Both work with couples who’s marriages are feeling uncertain about their future and if they want to stay together. Couples therapy and discernment counseling give you tools and support to move past painful patterns and into peace and clarity.
You deserve to stop agonizing. Focus on getting clear and confident by taking the next steps toward deciding whether to stay in, or leave, your marriage or partnership.
READY TO INVEST
IN YOURSELF?
LET’S GET YOUR THERAPY
ADVENTURE STARTED:
Whether it’s individual or couples therapy Relationship Insights will improve your relationships. If you are up for some deep reflection, some powerful insights, and some good, hard work, then contact us now!