WHAT IS MINDFULNESS?

Mindfulness has become something of a buzzword lately. Although simple at face value – mindfulness is the act of paying attention to the moment in the moment – it is a complex idea to put into action. The problem many of us face is that we are so accustomed to multi-tasking, numbing, and doing things that take our mind out of the moment, that it seems like a huge battle to try to change that. And why is it important? For the long explanation, see this video. Actually paying attention to one thing at a time in the moment that you are doing it can really change the way you think.

ARE YOU MULTITASKING?

In what ways is multitasking built into your life? Do you have a cell phone bothering you while you are working? Is your smart watch buzzing while you are trying to have an in-person conversation? It feels that the more technology becomes a part of our daily reality, the easier it is to multitask. But the problem with multitasking is that by splitting your attention amongst various tasks, you don’t get to give your full attention to anything, and so all the tasks suffer. Are there ways in which you can cut multitasking out of your life?

CAN EATING BE NUMBING?

In our pop-a-pill culture where we are so intensely medicated by both medical professionals and through legal and illicit drug use that is has become the norm to just numb through difficult emotions or pain instead of figuring out how to cope with them. One drug we don’t talk about as much is food.

People who compulsively overeat often turn to food when they are not hungry, but rather to numb from their negative emotions. This provides a temporary fix until the guilt sets in about overeating and can be especially difficult, as you can’t cut food out of your life like you can with drugs. Seeking therapy can be one way to unload all of the emotions that you might have been “stuffing down” or “numbing” over time so that you can release the pressure that builds.

WHAT’S HARD ABOUT BEING MINDFUL?

Sometimes people are driven not to be mindful. Because, when they are quiet and alone, difficult thoughts often come up. Thoughts related to depression, which usually bring unhappy memories from the past. Or anxious thoughts, which usually makes us worry about the future. Or, even other mental health concerns.

If you find it is difficult to be alone with your thoughts, then it is time to find someone safe to share them with. You might start with a friend or family member but may find someone outside your social life, such as a therapist, helpful with this. If you have any thoughts of harming yourself or others, please seek help immediately by contacting emergency services/911 or a local crisis resource.

HOW CAN YOU PRACTICE BEING MINDFUL?

Part of mindfulness is being in your body in the moment. For some people, this may be somewhat of a foreign concept. We, especially as women, tend to take a position of desiring to change our bodies. It’s very challenging to accept our bodies as they are, and as the only body, we will ever have. Getting back “in” your body and getting in touch with its signals and feelings can build acceptance. The body becomes reintegrated with the mind, which is really two halves of our whole selves.

To start, you might try a body scan. This involves sitting quietly in a comfortable spot with your eyes closed, focusing on relaxing different parts of your body. This falls into the category of “guided meditation,” and can be a great way to get started with mindfulness. Try a search on YouTube or download an app – Calm and Simple Habit are some of my favorites.

MINDFULNESS TAKES PRACTICE

Some of you might have already explored some meditation, and thought “I’m no good at this,” or “I just can’t sit quietly for that long!” Please consider that your mindfulness skills are like a muscle to be built up over time. Check out the video above, by Ron Siegel. In it, he describes your mind as a puppy that you need to be patient with and train by being patient and bringing it back to the task at hand each time it strays. He also describes trying to think of your thoughts as clouds in the sky, just letting them float on by without getting stuck on them or judging your thoughts.

During guided meditations, such as the one linked above, it can be easier to keep your mind on task. This is because there is a voice to focus on and to go back to. After a while you may prefer “open meditation” or just sitting quietly without any guidance. Usually for a set period of time.

WHAT THEN?

Once you start to be in touch with your body, you will start to realize what an amazing machine it is! It is smart enough to tell you when it is hungry, what it is hungry for, when it is full, and when it is tired or in pain. If you can learn to listen to these signals and respond appropriately, your body has the opportunity to find balance and calm.

For more information about how to find peace with eating through honoring your body’s signals, check out intuitive eating.  Do you struggle to identify when you are hungry and when you are full? Or feel that you eat for reasons other than being hungry? If so, you may consider seeking out an eating disorder assessment. Work with an eating-disorder-informed therapist and/or dietitian may be helpful in reestablishing those cues.

MINDFULNESS: THE TAKEAWAY

Challenge yourself to integrate mindfulness into your life one bit at a time is a great way to start! Set an alarm to do a 5-minute meditation during your break at work, or find a meditation that helps you fall asleep. See what sort of calm and peace you can bring to your life by being mindful in this moment. Use all your senses, and observe all that is going on inside and outside of you, without judgment. Be your body’s own best friend and figure out how to receive all the communication it is sending you, and how to take care of yourself best.

Mindfulness is a journey. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us for support if you need some help reading the roadmap.

Nicole Pattee is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Relationship Insights in Minneapolis MN who helps women and. She has a passion for working with chronic illness, anxiety, as well as all things eating and body image. Nicole helps clients get in touch with their authentic selves, take clear action to reach their goals, and learn to listen to their inner voice. She offers concrete skills as well as lots of warm support! Contact her today: [email protected].

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WHAT IS STRESS?

According to the Cleveland Clinic,  “Stress is the body’s reaction to any change that requires an adjustment or response. The body reacts to these changes with physical, mental, and emotional responses.”  Stress isn’t inherently a bad thing. In fact, some of life’s most incredible moments top the list of most impactful stressors; getting a promotion, becoming a parent, getting married, and moving can all produce stress.

Actually, stress is such a normal part of human functioning that our bodies are specially designed to manage it. The trouble often begins in our internalization of the process. Our culture asks very specific things of us that are often not supportive of how our bodies want to work through stress. We not only have to contend with the stress that comes in the big waves, but also tend to be overworked, underpaid, and beholden to cultural values and standards that see productivity as the end all be all to be worth something.

It’s a lot! You are not alone. 

HOW STRESS WORKS

When we’re placed under any kind of stress, our bodies release a cascade of neurobiologically relevant hormones, chemicals, and immune responses. Stress is meant to be transient for us, ending as soon as the stressor is removed. This cascade is meant to assist us in removing the stressor in order to return back to neutral. This is why in moments of intense stress, our bodies might tense up or tremble. Our heart and respiration rates increase, and we may feel downright overwhelmed. When stress comes up, our bodies are hardwired to respond to it; be it happy stress like gettin’ hitched or the hard stuff like losing a job.

Compounding of everyday stress creates an internal environment that functions incredibly similar to the big stress. That nagging feeling that everything on your to-do list is gonna jump up and bite you? It’s real! And, over time, all of that stress can become toxic, having really significant emotional and physiological impacts. 

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF STRESS

Stress that continues without relief can lead to a shift in our body’s equilibrium and become distress. Chronic stress leads to physical symptoms like:

• Headaches
• Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
• Chest pain
• Upset stomach
• Elevated blood pressure
• Sexual dysfunction
• Sweating
• Fainting
• Heart Disease
• Trouble breathing

EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS OF STRESS

Stress can also have significant impacts on our emotional selves. Some of these symptoms can include:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Constant worry or fear
• Panic attacks
• Forgetfulness
• Anger
• Trouble concentrating
• Irritability 
• Feelings of insecurity or self-doubt

BEHAVIORAL SYMPTOMS OF STRESS

The uptick in physical and emotional symptoms in times of great or prolonged stress can often lead to concerning behavioral changes, too. Things like:

• Changes in diet
• Sudden angry outbursts
• Increased risk of substance abuse
• Social withdrawal
• Relationship distress
• Increased use of mood-altering chemicals like nicotine and caffeine 

Not only does chronic stress begin to measurably impact our lives, but also, it can be a truly distressing experience. One that we can find ourselves in unwittingly, and seemingly out of nowhere. 

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT STRESS

So, what do we do about it?

NOTICE IT

We can get so focused on the overwhelm of our ever-expanding to-do lists that we don’t have the opportunity to slow down and take note of what is actually happening in our bodies. We might shrug off the occasional headache and not even notice when they begin happening every single day. The first step in being able to navigate stress is to notice it! How does stress impact you and your body? Notice how your body feels, and how the feelings change over the course of a day. Where are you when you really start to feel stress creep in? What do you usually do to soothe yourself? Noticing the presence and impact of stress means that we can begin taking real steps to manage it.

THE USUAL

Like with most things in our lives, taking care of the bodies we’re in is a vital part of managing stress. Getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, moving our bodies, and mindfulness are all really important tools. They’re on every list that’s ever been written about stress management and for a very good reason. Stress is such a deeply physical thing! Preventing and working with it must also include some solid tender loving care for our bodies. 

TALK IT THROUGH

Open up to the people in your life with whom you can feel safe and supported. Talk through how you’re feeling and the ways in which you’re noticing stress creep in. Sharing our struggles with trusted loved ones provides an intimacy that can function as a stress-relief all by itself.  Connecting with other humans on a deep level releases another cascade of chemicals and hormones that might be able to act as an antidote to stress. Pretty cool, huh? The APA encourages folks to expand their social support networks. Even if you’re not feeling stressed, having a strong support system can help prevent stress from developing and provide the necessary support when it does pop up. 

DESTRESS THE DISTRESS

When do you get to just be? What are the things you do that connect you with your humanness? It’s different for all of us! Some of us find that we can recharge and destress in the comfort of our own company, wrapped up with a good book. Others prefer a high energy workout. Perhaps we might even prefer a really well-balanced combination of both. Approach destress with an energy of curiosity. If you aren’t quite sure how to discharge the overwhelm, try something new! Explore how your body responds when you give it what it’s asking for. 

PRIORITIZE

What tasks need to be done now and what can be scheduled later in the day, week, or month? How much energy do we really want to channel into a given task? Where is my energy most needed or useful today? What do I need in order to show up as fully as I can? Can I commit to prioritizing myself today? Ask yourself lots of questions and game plan for what needs to be done and in what order. 

TIME MANAGEMENT

Knowing what lies ahead and how much time you can allocate to any given task can be monumental in finding an avenue for stress relief. Set aside time for yourself to take stock of your day ahead and prepare for the best use of your time. Be realistic here. We only have so many hours in one day and filling it up to the brim can lead to burnout really quickly. Trying to make space for ourselves when we’re really, really burnt out takes a lot more time and energy than it does to prevent it from happening in the first place. 

ASK THE PROS

Therapy can be as specific for what you’re experiencing as you need it to be. Being stressed is a really great reason to seek out the help of a therapist. In therapy, we can learn how to change how we view a particular stressor, learn alternate coping techniques, receive invaluable support, and actually lower the impact of stress on our physical and emotional selves. We can also address the stories we tell ourselves about what stress means about us. Shame can creep in and make an already tricky thing so much trickier. Therapy is a great place to gently reauthor the story. Stress can also be managed with medications and other physiological interventions. Visiting a doctor can be a great first step. 

STRESS: THE TAKEAWAY

Stress is an all-encompassing and normal experience. It can also be distressing and overwhelming! While we can’t necessarily do much about many of the stressors in our lives, we can learn how to work with our own internal experiences. Knowing ourselves and knowing the conditions under which we can truly thrive gives us powerful insight into how we can address stress when it comes up. 

Relationship Insights Therapy & Coaching offers relationship therapy in Minneapolis, MN. Whether it’s through individual therapy or couples therapy, Relationship Insights is here to help you improve your relationships. We love doing the deep work that actually makes a difference. If you are up for some powerful insights, deep reflection and some awesome tools then contact us to set up a session today.

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